dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
