please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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