Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I enjoy the company of your penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
