well you can't waste a boner
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
