I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
