when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
