No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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