Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
