508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
