If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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