I'm really into asian looking animals
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
