So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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