well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
