I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
