yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
