I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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