Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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