dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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