What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
