OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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