I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
