So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can I color on your dick again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
