What a fucking waste of an outfit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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