We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
