im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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