i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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