Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
