If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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