whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
