i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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