I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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