The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
