You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
