so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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