ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
