Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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