time to smoke my breakfast
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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