You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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