I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
