Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
