M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
