I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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