You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
