I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
