His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
