Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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