She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
