You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just gift wrapped bread.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
