theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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