His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
